


Seeing the Light

by Morgane (smilla840)



Category: CSI: Miami
Genre: F/M, First Time, M/M, Set during season 4, Spoilers for Nailed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2013-01-30
Packaged: 2017-11-27 13:38:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/662606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smilla840/pseuds/Morgane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starting at the end of episode 4x14, Ryan’s dealing with his eye – and Eric.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seeing the Light

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at my livejournal.

Ryan got home, slamming the door behind him. And man! That had rarely felt so good. Because he was angry, oh so angry, at nothing and no one in particular, but still a red furry was burning inside his chest, making it difficult to breathe, difficult to see. Though that might have been tears, and he rubbed his eyes angrily, stopping when the pain in his right eye flared. Why? Why was this happening to him? Hadn’t it been bad enough that he had gotten shot by that nailgun? Now he had to get an infection that just wouldn’t go away!

“Fuck,” he muttered, dropping heavily on his couch and taking off his badge and weapon, which he absent-mindedly placed neatly in the middle of the low table. He stared blearily at them for a while, the pain in his chest tightening as he thought of the possible repercussions. And he was fucking terrified. What if he lost his sight? He wouldn’t be able to do his job anymore! Hell, he couldn’t even do it properly as it was. He had almost screwed up a crime scene a few days ago, not seeing a piece of evidence which was just right there on the floor. Thank God he had been unsure enough of himself to bring Delko along the next time he had gone there – even if it had made him look like an incompetent rookie, and wasn’t that wonderful? Because it was _Eric_ , but that was a whole different problem.

Maybe he should just quit. He would never forgive himself if some perp got away because he had fucked up. No no no, he wasn’t going to quit like that. His job was his life, he couldn’t imagine doing anything else. Maybe it was time to, a little voice nagged in his head. But no. First he had to see if the infection cleared up. Maybe, maybe everything would turn out alright. Sure. Why was he imagining the worst case scenario here? Even if the antibiotics failed, there still was surgery – though that thought made him shudder. Yes, everything would be alright. 

Maybe he should ask for some days off though, just to make sure. The doctor had implied he should, and he hadn’t planned to but maybe it would be a good idea. Yes, he would do that. Picking up his phone, he pressed Horatio’s cell number and waited for his boss to pick up.

“Mr Wolfe,” answered a smooth and perfectly composed voice.

And Ryan felt like a complete idiot, because of course Horatio wasn’t at work anymore – as attested the background noises, someone… laughing? - and he should have waited for the next day but he had been so relieved to have reached a decision that didn’t include losing a job he loved that he hadn’t considered the extra variables.

“Hey H,” he said, still cursing himself mentally. “Hum, sorry to bother you so late…”

“It’s alright, Ryan. What can I do for you?”

“So I went to the doctor this afternoon,” – Horatio knew that, after all, he had basically dragged him there – “and I’m going to take a few days off, if that’s okay?”

“Of course it is.”

There was a pregnant pause during which Ryan could almost hear H debating with himself on whether or not he should inquire further. He was about to save him the trouble and end the conversation when Horatio spoke again, softer this time.

“How are you?”

And those three words were almost enough to make him tear up again, because it felt so good to know that at least someone cared. And Horatio… well he never quite knew where he stood with the man. He didn’t think he disliked him, but still it was hard, with him still calling him ‘Mr Wolfe’ after almost two years of working together while Ryan had started calling him Horatio almost right away. And he hated ‘Mr Wolfe’, because Mr Wolfe was his dad and the relationship there- well, strained, you know? But now was not the time to ponder Horatio’s choices in names and he had to get himself back under control.

“Uh… Not so good right now.” And the weak laugh he managed sounded watery even to his own ears. “But it should short itself out.”

“Good.” And he could hear in H’s voice that he hadn’t fooled one bit, because his boss wasn’t one of the best detectives in Miami for nothing. H knew there was something else to the story – of course, Ryan couldn’t know that Horatio had actually seen him beat up his locker earlier on – but he was willing to let it slide as long as Ryan took care of it. 

“Call if you need anything. I’ll see you next week.”

“Yeah. Bye.” But Horatio had hanged up already and Ryan hadn’t even had time to thank him. Figured, he snorted. H had never been one for gratitude. Still, strangely, he felt better than before.

\---

The next few days were hell. Ryan was bored and restless, with absolutely nothing to do. Reading tired him quickly and watching TV gave him a headache so he moved despondently around his apartment, cleaned, and then cleaned some more. He took walks and got phone calls from his colleagues – some of them at least. Horatio had let them know Ryan was taking some personal time, no particular reason, and of course Alexx had called right away. She wasn’t stupid, she told him, she knew it had something to do with his eye, and what had the doctor said? Ryan had sighed, given up the idea of having a life of his own, and told her everything. And had felt better afterwards. Because Alexx was a doctor too and even if she could lie a little to reassure him, she wouldn’t say he was going to be fine if there was no chance in hell he was going to be, right? Even the hypothetical surgery didn’t seem so scary now.

Calleigh called too, though she didn’t ask about his eye. The only reason for that, he figured, was because he had told her he was better, and she hadn’t been there at his latest fuck-up. Eric had been though, but he hadn’t called. Probably too busy with Natalia, Ryan thought snidely.

Because that was the problem with having too much time on his hands. It gave him plenty of opportunities to think. Even when he tried not to, tried to shut up that part of his mind, it just came back over and over again. The big can of worms.

So. 

Eric and Natalia. Probably should have seen that one coming. After all, Eric was a ladies’ man, Natalia was pretty and obviously interested – though Ryan could have sworn she had been flirting with him a few weeks back – and Ryan was left standing right there in the middle. Well, not exactly the middle because that would imply being somewhere between the two of them, and he certainly wasn’t. No, he was more like on the sidelines, watching from afar – and didn’t that sound corny? Not that he had ever thought he had a chance in hell with Eric, because hello, very male here? Still, he had hoped he wouldn’t be presented with one of Eric’s – many, he was sure – conquests until his stupid crush had gone far far away.

The problem was, it didn’t seem to be going anywhere anytime soon, and Ryan wasn’t so sure it was just a crush anymore. He had never planned on acting on it anyway, because Eric just wouldn’t be interested and they were just starting to be friends rather than just colleagues – or so he had thought, but Eric hadn’t called, not that it mattered anyway, probably was busy with Natalia.

So he had made that stupid remark about how he had planned on asking Natalia out – and yeah, right, no way in hell, she just wasn’t his type – and Eric’s response had been instantaneous. Jealousy. So they _were_ dating and it was serious enough for Eric to get jealous. Great.

Ryan had it bad. And that was so pathetic on so many levels he couldn’t even count them all. And the timing sucked. He had enough on his plate right now. He would just ignore it and deal with it later. Much later. Or maybe never.

He just hoped he wouldn’t be a witness to too many love-sick looks.

\---

On Monday, he was at the lab bright and early. His eye – in his opinion – was getting better: less fuzziness and less pain. All good. He had gotten his car back from the shop after that stupid accident. Perfect. He was happy to be back. He did wince a little when he saw his locker though. There was a dent in the door, and was that blood? Most likely, considering the state of his knuckles for most of the past week.

Still, he worked the case, paid extra attention to details, going over things twice in case he had missed something the first time, didn’t behave any different with Eric – at least, he hoped so – and tried not to pay too much attention to the rumours buzzing around about Eric and Natalia, courtesy of DC from what he had gathered – something about volley ball and a beach and ‘babes’ who all knew Eric _very_ well, and he had stopped listening at that point, grabbing his cup of coffee and heading back to the safety of his lab.

In the end they solved the case and everything was fine. For a time.

\---

The ‘fine’ period lasted about a month. Even Eric and Natalia played nice, remarkably tuned down, and there was no public display of affection, at least not in Ryan’s presence, for which he was grateful. 

But by then, he had another check-up scheduled and even if he really, really didn’t want to go, he had no choice but to make it to the appointment. Alexx had been fussing over him for ever now and even Horatio watched him carefully these days. At first, he had thought he was waiting for him to screw up, but he had quickly realized it wasn’t that at all. The man just – cared. And trusted him. It made Ryan feel surprisingly good and there was no way he was going to disappoint him by being a coward and not showing up. He could take the bad news. And bad news he was pretty sure it was going to be, even if he hadn’t told either of them that. Because although his sight had gotten better at first, the progress had stabilized quickly and while it certainly wasn’t any worse, it wasn’t spectacularly better either.

So there he was, waiting for his doctor to finish her exam. Finally, _finally_ she did and moved back.

“So?” Ryan couldn’t stop himself from asking, his voice shaking a bit. “How bad?”

“It seems that the antibiotics were not enough to fight the infection. Your eye hasn’t improved as much as I had hoped it would,” her voice was gentle but it didn’t lessen the blow. “But we still have one option. Mr Wolfe, I think we need to schedule surgery as soon as possible. Now, I won’t lie to you, there are risks to the operation, but hopefully we have caught it soon enough to reduce those at the minimum.”

And she went on, her voice soothing and confident that Ryan would be okay, but he didn’t feel okay right now. When he walked out of her office, with an appointment with the anaesthetist the next day and surgery the next week, he felt like he was walking in a fog. The world was spinning and he could hear the blood rushing through his head and he felt like he was going to throw up – which he did, a couple of minutes later in one of the hospital’s restrooms. His hands were shaking when he half-heartedly threw water at his face in an attempt to regain control, because control was _important_ , control was _everything_ right now.

 

Instead of going to his car – he really didn’t feel like it was safe for him or anyone to be driving at the moment – he headed for the garden in front of the hospital and sat there for he didn’t know how long, until a concerned voice and a hand on his shoulder pulled him out of his daze.

“Are you alright?”

Ryan started rather violently, jerking away from both the hand and the voice, almost losing his balance.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… You are Ryan, Ryan Wolfe?”

Ryan finally regained his balance and looked up at the now slightly embarrassed face of Marisol Delko. They had met once at the lab when she was there to see Eric. For a second, he could only stare, because really, what were the odds?

“Are you alright? You looked a bit out of it.”

And he really needed to say something now, because he was sure he was passing for an idiot.

“Yes, yes, sorry about that. Marisol, right? Yeah, hum, I just needed some time before going home,” he finally managed, rubbing his hands over his face.

“Oh, okay. I’ll leave you alone then.” Crap. He hadn’t meant it that way. And she looked oddly disappointed.

“No, no, that wasn’t what I meant. I mean it was –” he checked his watch, blinking at the time it displayed “–over an hour ago.”

“Bad news?” she asked, sympathetic, like she knew exactly what she was talking about, and of course she did, and Ryan found himself telling her about the nailgun, the subsequent infection and today’s check-up and the surgery. Hell, he was pretty sure he talked about Eric a bit too, nothing specific thank God. Had he thought about it twice, he probably would have just shut up, considering that this was Eric’s _sister_ and not the ideal person to discuss it with, but he was pretty sure she wouldn’t say anything to him. And it was good to talk about it with someone that wasn’t Alexx – and therefore didn’t try to mother him – nor Horatio – who was still his boss and calling him Mr Wolfe half the time. 

But then he considered just _who_ he was talking to, and felt extremely stupid and selfish, because losing his eye was a big deal, but nothing compared to what Marisol was facing.

“I’m sorry, I-”

She interrupted him, sensing his discomfort.

“No, it’s okay. Actually, it’s nice to talk to someone, well, normally. Some people just don’t talk to you the same way…”

Ryan smiled back weakly. “Still, you probably have better things to do.”

“Actually I don’t. Eric was supposed to pick me up –” and Ryan could feel his heartrate increase because he _really_ didn’t want to see Eric right now “– but he got hold up by a case, you know how it goes… He said Horatio would come and get me very soon. We were supposed to have dinner anyway.”

Ryan blinked. Right. DC had said something about Marisol liking Horatio. Guessed that was confirmed. And reciprocated. Marisol must have thought back on what she had just said, because it was her turn to look a bit panicky.

“Tell you what. You keep my secret, I keep yours. Deal?” Ryan grinned, extending his hand.

“Deal.” They shook hands and they probably looked like two idiots sitting there on a bench, shaking hands, with goofy smiles on both their faces. And Ryan was so very glad that Marisol had happened to be here because it felt like a big weight had been lifted off his shoulders. From her expression, it was probably the case for her too – after all, to whom could she talk about Horatio who actually knew the man? He could understand that Eric was out and that left, well, no one.

“Tell you what. We’re having a barbeque this week end.” And nonononono she wasn’t inviting him at a family thing. Because that meant Eric, and possibly Natalia and from what he had gathered Horatio too, though he probably was the less evil. “Why don’t you come?”

“I don’t think that’s –” Ryan protested weakly.

“No, really, it’ll be great. And it’ll take your mind off things before the surgery. And we can talk again. I’d really like that.”

How was he supposed to say no to that?

“Okay.” No! That wasn’t what he was supposed to be saying!

“Great!” Then she was giving him directions to wherever it was before spotting Horatio coming towards them.

“Marisol, Mr Wolfe.” And if H thought he was fooling anyone by pretending he was just doing a coworker a favour by picking up his sister, he was slipping. Ryan would probably have found it extremely funny hadn’t he still been freaking out about the _barbeque_ and cursing the entire Delko family in general, and Marisol and Eric in particular.

“Horatio,” they both said in unison, and H raised an eyebrow at them. Then Marisol got up and kissed him, and okay, even while freaking out, Ryan could find the expression on Horatio’s face amusing. He snickered quietly, although Marisol informing H that Ryan would be joining them on Sunday shut him up immediately and he turned pleading – just a little – eyes towards his boss.

“That’s a very good idea, Marisol,” Horatio announced, crushing all of Ryan’s hopes. H actually looked like he _really_ thought it was a great idea, and he looked relieved too – and a little evil, Ryan thought, like he had just figured something out and was planning the best ways to deal with it.

However, before he could come up with some excuse, Horatio and Marisol were saying their goodbyes, Horatio adding that they would talk the next day at the lab, and that was it. 

Ryan was doomed.

\---

Ryan had told H about the surgery scheduled the following week the next morning and had then spent the rest of the week considering why it really _really_ wasn’t a good idea for him to attend the barbeque from hell.

First, it was a family event. It really wasn’t his place to be there, he would be intruding and it would be awkward. People would wonder what on earth he was doing there. He wouldn’t know anyone, apart from his boss and one coworker, and well, the person who had invited him, but with whom he had actually only spoken for only half an hour.

Second, _Eric_ would be there and he really didn’t think he could handle that. The possibility that he might lose his eye and his job was making him anxious, his feelings closer to the surface and he was bound to make mistakes. Hell, he had snapped at Calleigh twice already and he usually didn’t do that.

Third, Natalia might be there, and it was worse that Eric being there. Because Eric _and_ Natalia – not even going there.

Fourth, Horatio for some strange reason seemed way too pleased about Ryan going. Which might imply either that barbeques at the Delkos were horrible and he was actually considered back-up, to run interferences with – oh my God! – Marisol’s parents. Or that he had some evil plan to implement that required Ryan’s presence. At that point, he really didn’t care if he wasn’t rational anymore.

Fifth – finally, but he would probably come up with a sixth soon – barbeques and Ryan didn’t mix so well. That might have been childhood trauma or the OCD insisting that food should be cooked indoors, he wasn’t sure, but still, BAD IDEA.

 

When Sunday arrived, he was up to number 14, and had thought of a hundred of different excuses – not showing and pretending he had forgotten had started looking really good an hour ago.

That was why he was completely bewildered to find himself in his car shortly before noon, Marisol’s written instructions in one hand and the wheel in the other. It took him about 5 minutes of deep breathing before he managed to get out of his car – which, all things considered, wasn’t so bad – and then another 5 to convince himself to just… ring the bell or something.

But then he was in, and there was just so many people that Ryan thought he would drown. Were they _all_ Eric’s relatives? Because there were so many! Ryan who had no siblings, a father he didn’t speak to and only one uncle found the concept a bit overwhelming.

He finally spotted Marisol and Horatio and debated whether he should leave them alone or go over and say hello. The decision however was quickly taken out of his hands as Marisol spotted him and waved at him to join them. For which he felt pathetically grateful.

They made small talk, Ryan was introduced to Eric’s parents – who, according to them, had heard everything about him. That made Ryan a little apprehensive, because let’s face it, Eric and he didn’t have the best work relationship in the world and he had no idea what Eric had said. But they were nice and Eric’s mother seemed to take to him – which made him wonder if there was something about him that attracted the mothering type.

“You should eat more, you’re too thin,” she said, piling mountains of food on his plate.

Luckily, Horatio got the same treatment, which was funny to watch, because even Alexx had stopped trying a long time ago, from what he had heard. Marisol on the other hand looked very pleased with herself and kept looking around for someone. Eric, Ryan had deduced earlier on. Eric who was not there yet, and Ryan had been informed – though he certainly had _not_ asked – that he would be coming later in the afternoon.

To his surprise, Ryan found himself relaxing and having a good time. Eric’s family was friendly and _warm_ and Ryan still felt a little overwhelmed, but in a good way. Only he couldn’t help knowing that the one thing that would determine his future was getting closer and closer by the minute. If the surgery failed… no, he was _not_ going to think about it now, not unless he wanted to punch a wall or have a full blown panic attack in the middle of Eric’s parents’ garden.

 

Rain started falling suddenly and the mass of people migrated from the garden into the house. Ryan found himself on the porch, because it was very crowded in there and he needed some quiet and alone time. Which lasted until -

“What are you doing here?”

Eric. And Ryan tried to pretend he wasn’t a little hurt by the almost accusation. Eric was clearly just on his way in, no Natalia in tow, and why Marisol hadn’t told him Ryan would be there was a complete mystery to him.

“Your sister invited me actually.” Ryan replied in a – he hoped – casual tone.

Eric managed to look both surprised and suspicious at the same time and really, what did he think? That Ryan had decided it would be fun to show up at one of the Delkos’ barbeques? Ryan could already see his next question forming – “Why?” – and decided to cut short to the conversation.

“Look, I’ve got to go. Tell her thanks for me okay?”

With that, he pushed himself off the wall and strode towards his car.

Eric didn’t try to stop him, and had he looked back he would have seen him looking completely bewildered.

\---

Ryan spent the night before the surgery going over all its possible outcomes. Since there weren’t that many, he started thinking about Eric and all things Eric. When he finally got into bed, it was 3 am and it felt like he had just closed his eyes when his alarm clock went off.

The hour it took him to get ready and to the hospital was probably the worse of his life. A mixture of anticipation and terror made him light-headed and sick in the stomach. He was glad he had taken a cab because he might never have made it to the hospital otherwise.

When he got there, Alexx was waiting for him, and he had never been so glad to see her. She called him ‘baby’ and told him everything was going to be just fine, and if he clang to her a little tighter than usual, neither commented on it. Then the doctor was there and they were taking him away, and Alexx told him she would be there when he woke up. He tried to put up a brave front and tell her that she didn’t have to but she didn’t even let him finish, and he was grateful.

“See you soon, honey.”

That was the last thing he heard before everything started to fade away.

\---

When he woke up, everything was black. He tried not to freak out, taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly. The doctor had told him about that. His eyes had to be bandaged after the operation because they would be fragile and very susceptible to any light. And he felt like shit.

“You’re awake!”

Ryan turned groggily towards – he hoped – the voice. It wasn’t Alexx’s, but it was somewhat familiar.

“Marisol?”

“Yes, I hope you don’t mind. I wanted to see how you were doing.” That was nice, but he wanted…

“Baby, you’re awake! How are you feeling? Not too fuzzy from the anaesthesia?” Alexx came bustling into the room and went straight for Ryan’s hand.

“Hey Alexx…” And wow, did he sound out of it!

“Now, you rest, you hear me? I’m going to go get your doctor.” With a flurry of noises, Alexx was out of the room again, leaving an awkward silence behind her.

“I’m sorry about Eric’s behaviour yesterday,” Marisol started again, and that was soooo not a conversation he wanted to have while high on drugs because God only knew what he was going to let slip. “I didn’t think he would react that way.”

What way? Ryan almost asked.

“He didn’t do anything.” And really he hadn’t. Ryan had just made a big deal of things. “I just had to go. Sorry about that.” Great, now he was being defensive.

Something suspiciously like a snort came from Marisol’s direction followed by muttered words in Spanish which sounded a lot like ‘Men are so stupid’, and he just wasn’t going to start thinking about _that_ now. And what was taking Alexx so long?

Right on cue, Alexx came back into the room, with the doctor in tow, who assured him the surgery was a success, everything had gone very well and that there shouldn’t be any complication, and the relief that flooded Ryan was so strong he felt like he was going to pass out. Alexx’s fussing and Marisol’s silent comfort seemed suddenly distant and he exhaled a breath he felt like he had been holding for the past month.

He was going to be fine. No losing his eye, no losing his job. Life would go on. 

He was fine.

\---

They took off the bandages the next day and Ryan got sunglasses instead, with order not to take them off when the sun was out for the rest of the week. Then he signed some papers and he was good to go. Except Alexx was supposed to take him home and she wasn’t there yet. He headed for the exit, figuring he could as well wait outside, when he saw Eric walking towards him. 

Déjà vu.

Ryan groaned. Was there a conspiracy he didn’t know about and whose principal perpetuators were Alexx and Marisol? What was their aim exactly? If he didn’t know better, he would have thought… No. No way. He wasn’t that transparent, was he? And Eric just was _not_ interested. It had to be the paranoia talking, or wistful thinking. There was no plan to fix the two of them up.

Still, Eric was right _there_ and looked just as much at a loss as Ryan felt.

“So,” Ryan decided to be brave, “you’re my ride?”

“Yeah…”

Stellar conversation. It just wouldn’t do. They still had to work together, after all. And what was going on?

The small talk resumed when they got into Eric’s car.

“So, my sister likes you.” It was as much a statement as a question, and Ryan felt obligated to pursue the subject.

“I guess. She’s great.”

Eric looked briefly at him before turning his eyes back on the road. He seemed to be debating something and finally made up his mind:

“You know she’s dating Horatio…?” he asked in a would-be casual voice, and fuck, did Eric think he was interested in his sister?

“Yeah I know, I’m not- I mean, I’m not interested in her like that,” Ryan thought he sounded a little appalled, and Eric was frowning, so he quickly back-pedalled, “Not that she isn’t, you know, attractive and nice and all, just…” – Ryan was getting a little desperate, wondering how he was going to get himself out of this mess – “she is just not my type.” He finished in a rushed voice.

Now Eric looked perplexed and a little interested. “What’s your type then? Natalia?”

“No!” That burst from Ryan’s mouth before he could stop himself, vehement and a little horrified, and honestly he blamed the drugs probably still cursing through his system.

“But I thought you wanted to ask her out?” Now, Eric sounded amused and Ryan didn’t know what was worse, that he was being made fun of, or that he had no idea why they were having this conversation.

“Why do you care anyway? She’s _your_ girlfriend after all.” There! Let’s put the conversation back into safe tracks. Because the problem wasn’t what Ryan’s type was, but more what _Eric’s_ was.

“No she’s not actually. We broke up. Common agreement.” Eric didn’t sound that sorry – probably had a new girlfriend stashed away somewhere, Ryan thought, depressed. 

Thank God they were arriving at Ryan’s place. He quickly got out of the car, grabbed his bag and was about to say ‘See you next week’ when he realized Eric had gotten out of the car too and looked like he wasn’t going to leave any time soon. Ryan probably made his best impression of a deer caught in headlights but swallowed his confusion and led the way to his apartment.

Turning his key and pushing the door open, he let his bag fall inside and didn’t bother to turn on the light. The apartment was dark and he took off his sunglasses. Eric followed more sedately and now the two of them looked at a loss again.

“Want something to drink?” Ryan asked, and at Eric’s nod he headed for the kitchen, grabbing two glasses and putting them on the counter.

As he turned back, about to ask Eric what he wanted, he yelped – in a very manful way – and took an involuntary step back because Eric was _right there_ and he hadn’t heard him.

“Shit, you scared me.”

And Eric had an almost predatory expression on his face, one Ryan had never seen before, which made him swallow nervously and take another step back while blood rushed to his groin. This time Eric followed and Ryan found himself pinned against the door of the bridge, a hard body pressed against his.

“Eric, what…”

But he was cut off by Eric’s soft mouth against his lips and what he had been going to say flew out of his mind. His body took over, one hand pulling Eric impossibly closer while the other buried itself in his hair. Someone – both of them? – moaned and then a warm tongue was pushing his way into his mouth, exploring and teasing, possessive too, and he couldn’t think, could only feel and fall.

In the end, they both had to breathe and broke apart. Ryan was panting, his mind trying to make sense of it all, while Eric pressed soothing kisses along his jawline. Finally, Ryan’s brain agreed to cooperate and he tugged at Eric’s hair so that he could look at him. His eyes almost sent him back into overload. Want and need and lust, mixed with something else that might have been what Ryan hoped it was, and fuck, he really hadn’t seen that one coming. Talk about feeling stupid. Forgetting what he had been about to say, he dived back into the kiss, letting months of pent-up feelings take over.

This time when they stopped Eric grabbed his wrist and tugged him out of the kitchen with a single-minded intensity. Ryan stumbled after him and it was only when they reached his bedroom that he thought to ask,

“What are we _doing_?”

Eric turned and grinned. “Well, it has been brought to my attention that I was an idiot and that you wouldn’t be adverse to the idea, so I figured, why not take a chance?”

Ryan stared at him, before inspiration struck. “Oh my God, they _were_ setting us up!” Eric’s sister! And Alexx! Maybe Horatio too… They were never going to live this down. Alexx would be smug for months and…

Eric laughed and interrupted his train of thoughts – again – by pushing him lightly towards the bed. “No talking about them when we’re about to have sex,” he admonished, and yes, Ryan could kind of see his point. He wouldn’t have been able to form words anyway, because Eric was taking his shirt off. Ryan still hadn’t moved, too busy staring, and Eric raised an eyebrow at him. Ryan snapped out of it and started undressing too. Then Eric was there, helping – though he was more getting in the way than anything really, not that Ryan was complaining, mind you! – and Ryan just let go.

All of sudden, they were horizontal, and Ryan couldn’t say how they had gotten there, but there was _skin_ and skin was _good_ so he let his hands wander and felt Eric doing the same. Eric who was mapping every inch of his body with a strange mixture of urgency and reverence, but it wasn’t enough, not quite enough. He might have said that out loud because Eric was surging forwards and capturing his mouth again in an aggressive kiss, covering his body with his own. Ryan felt a jolt when their cocks collided and moaned, but still not enough. Somehow, he managed to wrench himself from the furnace that was Eric against him long enough to reach for some lube and condom, which he shoved at Eric, intentions clear.

Eric’s fingers were clumsy when they opened the lube but experienced when he prepared him. Then they were leaving and Ryan felt empty but the sound of ripping paper told him he wouldn’t have to wait long now. Finally, he could feel the blunt head of Eric’s cock pressing against his opening and Eric wasn’t moving, just staring at Ryan, silently asking a question and Ryan nodded, and then Eric was pressing in, and fuck it hurt some because Ryan hadn’t done _that_ in quite some time but it didn’t matter because Eric was deep inside him now, groaning something in Spanish Ryan didn’t try to decipher. So good. So fucking good. But Eric wasn’t moving and that just wouldn’t do so he pushed back. Eric laughed.

“Should have known,” he whispered and Ryan wanted to ask him what but he didn’t have time because now Eric was moving, deep and steady thrusts and oh yeah. Just like that. Eric’s cock was brushing the right spot every time and Ryan was vaguely aware that he was making an increasing amount of noise, moaning and pleading for more. He would probably be embarrassed later but right now, clinging to Eric, he couldn’t bring himself to care. Eric didn’t seem to mind either, and soon his smooth rhythm started to falter and he pounded harder, went deeper and faster with each thrust. And Ryan couldn’t take any more, it was too much, too much and he was coming with a cry. Eric groaned and slammed once, twice into his lover’s still spasming body until he was coming too, burying his face in Ryan’s shoulder and biting – hard, which got a startled gasp from Ryan.

The room was quiet for the next few moments, the pants from the two men trying to regain their breath and the smell of sex the only things differing from every other day. Finally, Eric rolled off Ryan and flopped on his side, discarding the condom. Ryan followed the movement, turning sideways to face Eric. He felt warm and happy and sleepy, and it must have shown on his face, because Eric got a silly grin plastered on his. He pulled Ryan to him and kissed him softly.

“Sleep now. We’ll talk later.”

Ryan nodded. Yes, they would talk. But later.

For now, every thing was right in the world. And Ryan intended to keep it that way. 

Luckily, Eric seemed in total agreement.


End file.
